Life is Hard
by Courtanie
Summary: Old story taken down for original title Kenny doesn't seem to grasp the concept of hard work, so Kyle's giving him an example of good results in the best way anyone knows how.


If there was one thing that Kyle Broflovski prided himself on, it was his ability to know exactly where he was going at all times. Everything was carefully coordinated from his school schedule to the exact time he'd need to brush his teeth during the commercial break of the evening news.

While this pristine plate never got to his head and gave him the inflated ego that so many claimed it did, a small part of him truly couldn't help but feel bad for those who ran around with no idea of time and schedules. He watched his classmates running around in a frenzy constantly trying to get those final papers done when he'd had his done nearly a week and a half beforehand. He'd watch those with no perception of their futures blindly walking around in a daze like cattle being herded towards the meat grinder.

More often than not, he saw this disturbing depiction as he watch his friends blowing off class and work in favor of going out to party or do whatever the hell it was they would never invite him to tag along to. It worried him more than anything, continually shaking his head as Stan got kicked off the football team, Kenny nearly being held a year back from graduating with them, and Cartman doing everything under the sun that would put most kids in jail.

After graduation, Stan and Cartman left to find themselves out on the road while Kyle stayed behind in town to attend the small community college to complete his general courses before moving onto the university in the future. Kenny opted to just stay seated in town. While he would have loved to go on the road like Stan and Cartman, he knew that he just didn't have the funds to stay afloat.

Kyle admired that to an extent. He may not have always had his head in the game but Kenny knew where things could go wrong. Unfortunately for his companion, he just didn't know how to get onto the right foot so he wouldn't be stuck in his constant state of wariness for all eternity.

"Kyle, stop staring at me unless you're planning on ravishing me," Kenny blinked at the redhead from across the table.

"Huh?" he shook his head lightly, brimming green eyes snapping into an awakened state.

"You've been staring at me for the past like, five minutes," Kenny stated, putting a spoonful of cereal into his mouth, the crunching ringing throughout the small kitchen like the rustle of fall. "What's on your mind?" he asked, spittle of milk escaping through his lips.

"Ew," Kyle cringed, wiping at a spot of milk that landed on his arm. "So I have a random question for you," he started slowly.

"Breakfast sex?" the blonde piqued up hopefully.

Kyle sighed, knowing that in the back of his mind, a part of him was scolding him for ever deciding to make the irresponsible and not-so-tactful Kenny McCormick his boyfriend. It was a bit of a decision that Kyle accounted mostly to Kenny being so goddamn persuasive. He knew that his own feelings were intertwined in there somewhere but sometimes it was just easier to tell himself that he just fell for a slick silver tongue as opposed to an occasional crazed sex fiend.

"No, not that," he replied. He smirked at Kenny's pout before continuing, "Do you think that you'll ever go back to school?"

He winced as Kenny's hands tensed. He knew that it was a bit of a sensitive subject considering Kenny underwent years of being told by his parents that he just wasn't good enough for the hustle and bustle of college life. Kyle had spent all the time that he could trying to undo said brainwashing, but there was only so much that he could accomplish in the short year they'd been together, not to mention the fact they'd only lived together now about five months.

Ken sighed, releasing his spoon and resting his chin in his palm as he stared at his boyfriend with tired, listless eyes. "Ky, I'm not interested in a 'better future' speech, Babe."

"Look I know it sounds like I'm lecturing you but I'm no-"

"Yes you are," he interrupted with a raised brow. "Kyle, whenever we get into this conversation, you always end up telling me that I never apply myself and how your parents won't approve us being together and blah blah blah," he rolled his eyes. "Face it, Dude, you can be a hell of a broken record sometimes."

Kyle set his lips firmly in a pout. "Not true. Kenny, I'm just saying that you need to take a look into the future at some point in time. I mean, not everything is going to be J-Mart and a shitty apartment forever. I'm not doing that for the rest of my life I'll tell you that."

"Most people would just be happy with the relationship as opposed to focusing on the material things," Kenny pointed out.

"True and I do enjoy our relationship," he countered. "I'm just saying that life could be easier to manage if we found you a plan. You have a lot more potential than you give yourself credit for, ya know."

"Uh huh," Kenny resumed eating his breakfast, more than done with the conversation at hand.

Kyle stared at him, his eyes narrowing slightly in his frustration. He loved Kenny but goddamn sometimes it was like trying to convince a honey badger to cuddle. His eyes lifted in an idea, slightly naive but he knew it'd be effective nonetheless.

"Hang on, I want to show you something," he said, hurrying away from the table. Kenny watched after him a bit before shrugging to himself and continuing to munch. He looked over as Kyle's incessant rustling from the other room came to a halt. He came face to face with a box held in his lover's hands and blinked.

"Life?" he read. "Kyle that game is from like, the 40s."

"1860 to be exact," he shrugged. "But listen, this will prove my point without you having to listen to me 'lecture you'," he quoted.

Kenny sighed, pushing his cereal aside as Kyle threw down the box and started throwing fake money at him in a fit. He quietly mumbled to himself how appealing breakfast sex sounded as opposed to this.

"Okay," Kyle breathed, scooting up beside him in his chair. "When we start, I'll take the path that takes me to college and you take the path where you just start working right away, all right?"

"Hm, make money right away or find myself thousands of dollars in debt and still risk the possibility of never getting a job in that field," Ken held his hands to his sides as a scale. "Oh the choice is just excruciating."

Kyle looked at him, unamused. "Kenny, get off the political high horse for a moment and just let me show you what I mean, all right?"

"Fine fine," he picked out an orange car from the box and twirled it in his fingers in boredom. He knew that Kyle always meant well but sometimes the constant 'lessons' he endured from him was enough to drive him mad.

He watched as Kyle spun the dial in the middle and moved four spaces. "I started a part-time job so I get five thousand dollars," he said a little too proudly.

Kenny shook his head, "Where the hell are you getting a part time job then because like hell you're getting 5,000 smack-a-roons that quickly.

"Ken, it's just a game," he sighed. He picked out three career cards face down and held them in front of Kenny. "Now you pick a card at random and that's your career." Kenny did so, eyeing his choice and frowning.

"Travel agent? Like hell. Hang on," he got up from the table with his card in tow. Kyle watched after him blankly.

"Kenny what the fuck are you doing?"

"You're making me endure a lesson before lunch, I'm switching rules a bit."

Kyle smacked his forehead with his palm. "You're completely missing the point! Just accept your fate and get the fuck over here-"

"Back," Kenny rolled his eyes and smirked at his flushing, angered face. "I was just making a new career is all."

"What on Earth did you mak-" he stopped as he eyed the paper taped over the original card with a crude stick figure drawing. "You seriously did not put Pimp."

"Indeed I did."

"And is...is that me?" he shrieked, glancing at the stick figure sporting a sloppily highlighted green hat with its hip jutting out to the side.

"Yeah!" he grinned. "I couldn't draw myself because you're not supposed to see the Pimp, so I drew my favorite ho instead!"

"Kenny you fucking retarded son of a-"

"Hey calm down. This is _Life_ right? Shit happens. And I don't need no goddamn degree for pimpin'."

"You aren't going to be '_pimpin'," _he quoted.

"For this game I am," he crossed his arms firmly. "You deny me the pleasures of a blowjob alongside the sugary goodness of my cereal then I turn you into a prostitute. This relationship is give-take, Babe."

He stared at the blonde incredulously before groaning and rolling his eyes. "Fine. You're a pimp. Whatever. That's the _only _thing you're allowed to change, got it?!"

"Yeah yeah, when's Daddy gettin' paid?"

"Oh dear lord," he muttered, grabbing three salary cards and presenting them to him with a frown. "Pick one and only one and you're stuck with it."

"Understood," he swiped the one on the far left side and smirked, laying it down. "Yeah I'll go for $100,000. Boy, Ky, you do some mighty fine work."

"Shut the hell up and spin, you Assdick," he demanded.

Kenny chuckled, spinning a ten and moving as such. "Let's see, that's 200,000 bucks and I said no to drugs so I get a life-a-mabob," he grabbed a tile and laid it in front of him.

Kyle sighed, spinning and moving again, hitting the job search space. He grabbed a career card and smiled, "I'm a doctor."

"Shouldn't a doctor know more about the dangers of STD's?" Kenny teased, waving his own card in front of the blushing redhead's face.

"Ignoring you," he said as cooly as he could manage, he grabbed a salary card and frowned. "Uh...50,000 is my salary," he muttered.

"Guess it's because my bitches only die if I say they can," the blonde smirked.

"Shut up, I get another spin. And I'm spending $150,000 now for home insurance and paying off the loan I took from the bank to start college."

"Have fun with that."

Kyle spun again, ending up on the flat tire space. "Shit."

"Shoulda bought auto insurance, too," he piped up, spinning and moving again, hitting the get married slot. He grabbed another blue figure from the box and held it up with a grin. "Pimps shouldn't marry their ho's but goddamn you do something to me that no other slut can manage, and I don't mean that special trick with your tongue."

"Kenny...," he growled.

He chuckled and set them down watching as Kyle went once again.

A game that should have taken no more than a half hour all of a sudden turned into an hour full of Kenny landing on everything he could possibly get a Life token for while Kyle found himself losing money at every turn, he himself struggling with his "husband" while Kenny, the ho, and the four children they'd sadly procreated rode along debt free.

It turned into nothing more than an argument as they neared the end with Kyle boasting how he'd make it out fine in the end regardless and Kenny shrugging and talking about how he was going to raise his girls to be fine little ladies so they'd grow up rebellious and join the prostitution industry.

Kyle finally landed in the retirement facility and sighed. "I think I have the most money so I'm going into the Millionaire Estates. Now you keep going."

Kenny spun with a ten and moved forward. "Pension," he read, "Collect $20,000 times spin."

"OH YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME," Kyle groaned, smacking his forehead again.

Kenny looked up, counting on his fingers and cocked his head at Kyle. "That's...2 Mil, right?"

"Yeah. It is," he growled, throwing the money towards his beaming boyfriend. "When the hell would a pimp get pension?! I doubt many of them have a 401K going!"

"Accept your fate," Kenny recalled from earlier, spinning once more landing in retirement as well.

"Now we count our money, including the damn tiles" Kyle sighed and they went about doing so. Kyle easily speeding through it and Kenny taking a while to add up all he had.

"Okay, without the tiles, I have $2,000,000," Kyle said.

"I have $2,500,000," Kenny stated.

"Okay then add up your life tiles and account it to your...score," he looked down at the three tiles that he held in comparison to the mountain of cardboard on Kenny's side. "Never mind. You win," he sighed, rubbing his forehead tiredly.

"Woohoo!" Kenny pumped his fists into the air. "Sex is always the winner! And I have scientifically proven to you, my dear Kyle, that having a shitty job may suck to an extent, but having a life is what benefits you in the end."

Kyle glared at him with jade, sharp eyes. "This was not scientific."

"This is how you wanted to prove to me that things are better if you go to college," he pointed out, throwing Kyle's green car at his nose.

"That was only because-"

"You thought it'd get through to me better than a lecture," he finished smoothly.

"Well...yeah!"

"Dude, I know college is a good idea," he picked up his homemade card and stared at it tiredly. "But college is also something you need to be ready and willing to accomplish and you know that just as well as I do."

"But Kenny-"

"But nothin'," he said firmly. "Besides, me having nothing more than a job gives me more hours and more money. And we need that to pay rent. I'm sorry but until you're _out _of school, I'm the breadwinner in this happy little home and if I went to school, we'd be kicked out then you really would need to become a prostitute," he waved the card in front of him for emphasis.

"Yeah but-" he sighed, giving up. This was how it would always be, each of them thinking that the other one is too naive to understand the consequences of their actions. "I just want what's best for you, Dude."

"_You're _what's best for me," he smiled.

"Anything to get out of me jumping into another lecture, huh?"

"Damn straight."

Kyle just sighed again, shaking his head. "Maybe I'm a little too high hoping for the future. I just don't want to live in this place forever," he eyed the peeling plaster of the kitchen ceiling with caution.

"Well that'll just take some budgeting," Kenny shrugged. "And I know just what to do for budgeting."

Kyle perked up as Kenny stood up and walked into their living room. "You have a budget plan?" he asked hopefully.

"No but I do have Monopoly," he shook the box with a Chesire grin.

Kyle rolled his eyes and smirked. "Fine but if you buy all the goddamn railroads again no sex for a month.

Kenny snorted, walking over and kissing his head, "No promises."


End file.
